Homegrown (homegrown) wrote,

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Manic Depressive

I think I figured out how to describe my feeling for my girlfriend, Manic Depressive. I have my Highs and Lows. What I mean is, one moment I am so excited I know her and have her. She makes my life completely perfect and all I want to do is touch her fair lips and stroke her hair. However, other moments I might be more indifferent. Hoping she doesn't call, feeling I might not want to be with her at that moment. I would have to say these feelings are 50-50 ratio, but the more I am with her the more the manic side comes out over the depressive side.
Another thing is I feel really bad about what I did to her the other night. I guess I physically hurt her by getting a little carried away in raw desire. She did the same to me the weekend before, I just didn't tell her. She gave me a little rug burn you know where, and I guess I did something simmular to her, but in a more female way I suppose. It is actaully kinda strange to talk about it.....I don't really know why. And i am kinda sorry, and feel bad in a way. Go figure it is all messed up.
I find myself still searching for Tara's sn on my BL and going on my other sn's to see if she is on. I read her Journal all the time too. How stupid i am.....it is pathetic, i know. But......what can I do, it is Tara.......Uggggggg
Myranda melted when I gave her the mix I made her. I chicked out on giving her the thing I wrote with it, but I sent the same words in an Email later that night. This is officially the longest relationship I have been in.....How much longer, eh? Can manic depressive emotions maintian love?
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