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Wednesday, June 6th, 2001
4:39 pm - A Bird's Diary
No one knows why we all went south for the winter, let alone came back north for the summer. Life has had lost all significance through out the last year. We always used to find ourselves chirping when the sun comes up, and chasing one another in the air as we feel our wings slice through the wind. We were convinced that we lived the best life out of all the creatures that inhabit the earth. We were on top of the world, both metaphorically and litterally. However, this season it is winter in spring. Our emotions are dark and cold, when they should be filled with the flowers the bees land on. Our feet have gone numb from the snow that is not on the ground. Our feathers have turned into the skin from humans. We have always pitied them, how they always find depression in the most wonderful days of their lives. If we said that now we would be hiporcrites. We feel the drift of meloncholy more than the human race ever felt, and ever will. A hole spieces on the planet is trying to leave this world by choice. In a way, it is a mass suicide, world wide.

Yesterday I continued my path of death. My friend was seccessful, however it is obvious I was not. We have found the easiest form of death. It seems like murder in away. The cars the humans drive hit us. Many humans try not to hit us, thus leaving us on this earth feeling the pain of the winter in the summer. I am starting to wish I never moved south and stayed north in the winter so I would have froze to death. When my friend crossed the road the car hit him. His body stuck to the windshild of the car. The car continued to drive. It made us all smile, and gave me hope that one day I will be the one on the windshield. That day will be tomorrow I hope. So another bird is saying goodbye, because he might not be hear tomorrow to say hello.

current mood: blah

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Sunday, June 3rd, 2001
2:14 pm - Salami
Wierd thing happened just now. Imali IMed me. It is pointless to summurize the conversation, cuz i saved it. She caught me in one of those profound, theory based wanted to justify everything moods. Lucky her i suppose. This is what happens when i am in one of those moods.

Dymond1324: hey can we talk
StrEEt PuNkeR: sure
StrEEt PuNkeR: whats up
Dymond1324: I know its not really my business but do you think that I have changed Pat for the worse
StrEEt PuNkeR: pat's changed there is no way what has changed him
StrEEt PuNkeR: *no way to find out
StrEEt PuNkeR: i would have to say he has changed for the worse though, everyone sees that
Dymond1324: well I guess i read that it was me who was responsibel
that he's not as out going as he used to be
StrEEt PuNkeR: how did u read that
Dymond1324: i have my ways
StrEEt PuNkeR: are u suggesting i said that?
Dymond1324: you have yours
Dymond1324: yeah i am
StrEEt PuNkeR: personally, i think u didn't change him, but as a result of going out with you he has changed
StrEEt PuNkeR: it is not hard to see that
StrEEt PuNkeR: it is more the relationship, not you as a person that changed him
Dymond1324: whats wrong with our relationship
Dymond1324: i love him with all of my heart
StrEEt PuNkeR: never said there was anything wrong
StrEEt PuNkeR: obviously you agree he has changed, if u didn't u would not have started this conversation
Dymond1324: well if it made him less than what he is or was then you obviously think it was my fault by bringing up our relationship

and dont you dare psychanalyse me!! The reason i brought this up is I wanted to know why one of his best friends thought he was less than he is!!
StrEEt PuNkeR: takes too much effort to try to be his best friend
StrEEt PuNkeR: i think he gave up on me first
Dymond1324: i dont think Pat the type to give up on anyone
StrEEt PuNkeR: i didn't either
Dymond1324: i dotn think he has given up on you!! Obvioulsy both of you had or have things in your life and not making enough time for each other
Dymond1324: and dont you dare blame me cause i barely get to see him during the week
StrEEt PuNkeR: o i agree
Dymond1324: then why dotn you make time
StrEEt PuNkeR: i never blamed you
Dymond1324: you blamed our relaionship for changing him
StrEEt PuNkeR: it sounds like you blame yourself subconsciencouly
Dymond1324: thank you Dr. Fruede
StrEEt PuNkeR: who cares it is not a bad change
Dymond1324: you just said it was "he has changed for the worse, everyone sees that"
StrEEt PuNkeR: you don't see that, so it can't be that bad
StrEEt PuNkeR: did he tell you to talk to me?
Dymond1324: omg Jason if you have a problem with him why dotn you talk to him instead of blaming it on me and us

no he didnt
Dymond1324: i just wanted to know why becuase this envolved me too
StrEEt PuNkeR: i am not blaming it on anyone
Dymond1324: why dont you go back and read your journal Jason cause it blames me
Dymond1324: or do you want to deny that too
StrEEt PuNkeR: lol
StrEEt PuNkeR: so u admit to reading my journal
StrEEt PuNkeR: u have no right to have any feelings about what i wrote in my journal.....i never asked u too read it, and most of it is my form of venting
Dymond1324: duh you never asked me if i read i read it awhile ago but i only read one entry and then i was told about the new one and how you blamed me...........but i didnt read it
StrEEt PuNkeR: i really don't care
Dymond1324: ok the only entry i ever read was the one that said " yeah i used to like Imali, but Pat likes her, etc."
Then i was told last week about the new one, and no i never read that one. But i just dont understand why you take your venting out on me
I never did anything to you
StrEEt PuNkeR: just because some people read it, doesn't mean i am not going to continue to write in it
Dymond1324: Did i tell you not to write it??
StrEEt PuNkeR: did i tell u to read it
Dymond1324: no but if it concern me i will..........i think i have the write to know when I'm bing talked about
StrEEt PuNkeR: it is my journal
StrEEt PuNkeR: i am not talking about u to anyone
StrEEt PuNkeR: i am talking about u in my head
StrEEt PuNkeR: it is my thoughts
Dymond1324: its on the screen
Dymond1324: its about me
StrEEt PuNkeR: the only thoughts i have that need no justification
Dymond1324: well if i invaded your space I'm so sorry.
But i dotn think that its fair for you to blame all the problems your having with Pat on me
StrEEt PuNkeR: i don't consider them problems
StrEEt PuNkeR: just observations
StrEEt PuNkeR: u can view it as that he grew up and i am still the same annoying manipulaive crazy asshole i once was
Dymond1324: I give up Jason!!!
I wanted to talk to you to see whats up and well obvioulsy all i'm getting from you is a hardy helping of your bruised ego
Dymond1324: good bye
StrEEt PuNkeR: i am indifferent to the subject
StrEEt PuNkeR: it doesn't bug me
StrEEt PuNkeR: the only thing that did bug me was the fact i lost another good friend
StrEEt PuNkeR: i never lost him though
StrEEt PuNkeR: so everything is all peachy
Dymond1324: Then dont let him get away
Dymond1324: What
StrEEt PuNkeR: confused?
Dymond1324: u think
StrEEt PuNkeR: no, actually i don't
Dymond1324: well i am you first say your lost a friend then your liek i never lost him though
Dymond1324: wuold you make up your mind
StrEEt PuNkeR: i meant both
StrEEt PuNkeR: people change
StrEEt PuNkeR: u don't like me anymore, do u?
Dymond1324: i never said that
StrEEt PuNkeR: never said u did say that
StrEEt PuNkeR: it was a question
StrEEt PuNkeR: in fact a yes or no question
Dymond1324: I dotn like what your saying about me
Dymond1324: yes i like you
StrEEt PuNkeR: i haven't really said anything about u
Dymond1324: again i dont agree with what your saying or the fact that your blaming me
Dymond1324: Jason read your jounal
StrEEt PuNkeR: i am going to clearify what i said right now
Dymond1324: ok
StrEEt PuNkeR: you as a person didn't change pat. Pat was not that happy before you came, and when u did he come he was happy. The feelings of people change people. This is the same thing in his case.
StrEEt PuNkeR: it goes further then that, but lets just stick to that
Dymond1324: if you say so

current mood: cynical

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Friday, June 1st, 2001
11:59 pm - Dark Trail
Today is friday, what did my friday entale. Welll........I did nothing and sat on my ass until about 8:40. Ashley was going to call me when she got off work witch was between 8 and 9. I decided to go to the bathroom around 9:40. I got a feeling, and as I was in the bathroom and I said to myself, Ash is going to call "3, 2, 1," (snaps fingers) Ash called the second i snaped my fingers. It was so wierd. So I met ash at caribu, we left cuz bob was there, fuck him and kill that kid. We went to her house, then to where her parents were to get the key to her house. We ended up going ot Courqon Lake. We took the dark trail, and it scared the shit out of us. We then went to RO for about 10 minutes and took her home. What a great time we had. SHe rocks to hang out with. We decided we are going on a date soon, and she is paying. How awesome is that. I am glad I broke up with Myranda when I did.

current mood: chipper

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Thursday, May 31st, 2001
7:39 pm - Turning away from you is like the end
What a few days it has been. My view of the way i see things and different people was just turned into puddy. Something new is forming every second I exist. Existance is becomming more tedious every second before school is out. Existance is turning into a prayer for the unknown. For the aspect I search for, but never find. If i found it i am sure I would not be happy. You need some mystery in life, knowing all the answers would be more boring than not knowing any.

A chapter was closed in my book of existance today. This time I closed it....I am not sure what I like better, me closing the chapter or someone else ending it with amounts of pain that are unknown at this point of time. It all started with Myranda. I finally figured out why I am a Manic Depressive to her. For the first time in my life I was being smothered by a girl friend. I got so sick of her calling every 2 seconds, and all she could do is tell me how much she loves me. She made me feel that "I was her world" and she even said "I complete her." After every single email she wrote me (one every morning) there was lyrics to a song that expressed true love, even though she told me how much she loved me in the email itself. The smothering went in stages. It ended up being a turn off.

Now........friday night I found out Ashley likes me...........Saturday night Ashley and Marni came over at midnight and didn't leave till 2:30. Marni fell asleep with one eye open, it was funny as hell. Me and Ashley talked. Ashley threw her self at me. She wanted to fuck me so bad. SHe would not take no for an answer. She went through stages trying to get me to kiss her. First she was so sweet and adorable.....then she seemed upset and gave puppy dog eyes, then finally she got real pissed and said i was not being true to myself cuz i wanted to kiss her too. She was right....i just didn't want to cheat on Myranda. The next night (sunday) me, ash, and marni went to the electronic festival. Ashley continued to like me.....and marni told me she wasn't going to be that patient and i should act within a week if i like ash. The night ended with Marni calling ash Fickled....me confused, and ashley confused, mad, and storming out of caribu with rage. Yesterday I hung out with ash again. We are closer than i would have ever thought. I can't control the feelings i have for her. SHe is me.....in female form.

So lastnight i wrote myranda a letter saying we had to talk. She called today and I told her my feelings for her are not the same. I told her she was the last person I would ever want to hurt, but I had to honest to her and myself, thus I broke up with her. She cryed her eyes out....but since it was what i wanted she took it better than i thought. The classic reason why i ended it. She lives for me, not herself (that is how she makes me feel)

I feel like I did the right thing. I feel I have a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It is refreshing in a way. Just because I broke up with myranda, does not mean i am going to go out with ashley. I don't think ashley wants a relationship......she wants other things from me. So i am just going with the flow as a single man right now. No plan feels wonderful.

current mood: refreshed

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Saturday, May 26th, 2001
12:31 am - Ideal cake
Lastnight was the night of Prom. Myranda was wonderful lastnight. It was a great evening. We went to prom and had lets of fun. It hurt to see Jenny crying. Her dad died the other day with no warning of it happening. She is taking it really bad, and still getting over her grandma's death. Her and Jon left prom around 10.....she was crying her eyes out. It hurt for me to see her like that. I wish I could make her feel 100% better, but no one can. After Prom, Me, Myranda, Pat, Anna, Krisinta, and Adam came back to my house. Everyone was gone by 1:30, but Myranda. We then put on A clock work orange, and we fell asleep in eachothers arms. We we woke up I kissed her gently on the mouth and on her neck. I rubbed all parts of her body over her gorgeous prom dress. I held her face in my hands as if I found a precious gem. Then I took her home.

Today..........well Jon and Marni are now going out. Marni won't shut up about him, I am really happy for them though. Jon made Marni a mix.....all the songs that are not punk were my suggestions. It was kinda amusing to see that. I found out something today. Basically it was Ashley has liked me since the Warped Tour last year, and she has a crush on me today. She told me this herself. I don't know what to say. There is not way I am cheating on myranda, but ashley has been the girl I have wanted for a long time. Lets face it....i am not going to get married to myranda, so when we are done she will always be there. It is just we never like eachother at the same time. If we did go out though I would be afraid she would leave me for nate, and I would be worried I could not do 2 things. Those 2 things are please her sexually, and handle her strong intense personality.

Myranda is wonderful though.....she is a great girl, and very pretty. The only thing is she makes me feel like I am her world. She told me today that I complete her. She says she loves me, and in a way it is smothering me. She has kinda become whatever I want or like. SHe never speaks out and does what she wants, and if she does it would be what i want. We never argue cuz she is always trying to please me it seems like. I want a girl that has strong opions....a girl that is not afraid to speak her mind. Ashley does this....but ashley is the more exaggeration side of this. Tara was an in between.....and manda was nothing. It is wierd, it seems like myranda would be ideal, but it is for a lil while, but I need that strong personality sometimes. I want her to just say....."lets see a movie, you have no choice we are seeing this movie." Or "I don't feel like doing anything tonight, I think I will just hang out here." She always wants to see me. SHe always wants to do what I want to do. She is always corny. THis might be my fault though. Cuz in the beginning of the relationship I wrote her poems about how infatuated I was with her. Now she is doing that back....just never never never ever stopping.

current mood: contemplative

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Sunday, May 20th, 2001
6:23 pm - Manic Depressive
I think I figured out how to describe my feeling for my girlfriend, Manic Depressive. I have my Highs and Lows. What I mean is, one moment I am so excited I know her and have her. She makes my life completely perfect and all I want to do is touch her fair lips and stroke her hair. However, other moments I might be more indifferent. Hoping she doesn't call, feeling I might not want to be with her at that moment. I would have to say these feelings are 50-50 ratio, but the more I am with her the more the manic side comes out over the depressive side.
Another thing is I feel really bad about what I did to her the other night. I guess I physically hurt her by getting a little carried away in raw desire. She did the same to me the weekend before, I just didn't tell her. She gave me a little rug burn you know where, and I guess I did something simmular to her, but in a more female way I suppose. It is actaully kinda strange to talk about it.....I don't really know why. And i am kinda sorry, and feel bad in a way. Go figure it is all messed up.
I find myself still searching for Tara's sn on my BL and going on my other sn's to see if she is on. I read her Journal all the time too. How stupid i am.....it is pathetic, i know. But......what can I do, it is Tara.......Uggggggg
Myranda melted when I gave her the mix I made her. I chicked out on giving her the thing I wrote with it, but I sent the same words in an Email later that night. This is officially the longest relationship I have been in.....How much longer, eh? Can manic depressive emotions maintian love?

current mood: MaNic dEprEsSiVe

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Wednesday, May 16th, 2001
7:54 pm - Another one Bites the Dust
Today is my One Month with Myranda. Until yesterday I thought i was getting bored with her.....but I am wierd like that. She is wonderful. Today I didn't get to see her, and tomorrow is Cedar Point (yay) so i won't see her then....but friday I will get to see her. Today I made her a cd of all the songs that make me think of her or are about her to me. It has things to the cure, get up kids, fast, to boy kicks me, and laymeyer. It is all about her. What a wonderful girl.

Yesterday I talked to Pat. He has changed. I have been mean to him for a simple reason......it proved to me he changed. When he started to go out to Imali, he started to change. He is no longer as crazy, he is more mellow, and quite now. The main thing is, it takes effort to be his friend. What I mean is I feel he thinks he is doing me a favor by hanging out with me or talking to me. How he would rather be somewhere else. He never talks to me online anymore, and whatever he says, he has changed. Yesterday I told him this, and he told me he gave up on that trying to be an individual and stuff. He told me all those crazy things he did.....he doesn't find it entertaining anymore. That right there told me he changed. It really sucks, i feel like I lost my best friend. Imali changed him......he thinks he is inlove.
I am sure he is will get back to his crazy old self and come back once they break up. Girls come and go......but......friends are forever.
To PAT ------> If you ever end up reading this, don't tell me you did or bring up what i wrote in this entry. Never give me any kind of impression you saw this entry. I never want to know you read this.....thanks.

Best friends that have come and gone =(
- Justin
- Tara
- Adam
- Zach
- Manda
- Bob

THe ones I still have
- Ashley
- Marni
- Matt Pascoe
- Jon
- Myranda
- Pat? <----------?

current mood: ANOTHER FRIEND----->gone

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Sunday, May 13th, 2001
1:09 am - Last few days.....
This Journal is turning into what i didn't want it to be. I have heard a lot of people are reading my Journal, and telling others about it. I feel I can't say somethings I should say in it. The people that read my Journal are total assholes. They know they shouldn't read it, but they still do. It all started to with pat.
Lots of stuff has been happening. Lets start with Friday. In physics I did something I don't think I have ever done. I killed 90 minutes of class time by talking to Chandima. It was really refreshing to talk to her. On saturday I fullfilled a dream in a way. I got to see Bigwig and Gob in concert. Bigwig was amazing. They were everything I thought they would be. It was heaven, they even talked to me and played the song i requested. Amazing show. I also went with some cool people. Myranda, Ashley, Marni, and Jon. I have been closer to Ashley lately. I don't know why we ever drifted apart. I think it was the whole zach and pat thing. When I lost face with zach I lost face with ash. And i kinda took pat's corner when ash and pat went through whatever they went through. I even told ash that, and she agreed.
To jump back to thursday......I hung out with Ashley, just ash. We did the most craziest things. We went to Xheatos, but that was boring. We then went to visit....yes......you guessed it.......TARA. She was not home so we left a note and signed it. We then went to clarks and ash made up with brittany, and then we went to Matt Pascoe's. We all went Lawn Ornament stealing. It rocked, what a great night.
Tonight I picked up Myranda and we went to RO. Hung out with amir some peeps....fun fun....then around 9:30 went to the tire park and had some fun. Well more like the parking lot, we never got out of the car. it was even better than last time. Just amazing. I like Myranda a lot, but i think i am past that "she is perfect stage" It is not I find flaws in her. I just can't see myself with her down the road. And i am still attracted to other girls and kinda want to pursue them sometimes, but i am always glad I have myranda. She is over all great. For example I took NOVA tonight cuz she was at myranda when i got there and needed a ride home. I found Nova very cute, she is cute. Cuter than myranda, but myranda has more going for her than looks. A gorgeous person is what she is, and i am glad she is mine. I guess what i am saying is this relationship is not going to last very long, but it was last. =)
I want summer to come now. I just realized i made plans to hang out with tara tonight last week......obviously we both forgot o well. The summer needs to come.....needs to come now. No school.....i want summer.
Very upset that i can't write certain things due to a few people who have been reading my journal......this journal will under a knew name soon. So fuck you all....Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

current mood: blah

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Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
10:51 pm - Boy Kicks Girl - Little Things
Though I know you are asleep
I whisper to your ear
Words that would make you feel
Like the night when we first kissed
Tracing shadows around your lips
I thought I felt a smile
...Or can you hear me say
That I'm in love with you?

You don't have to, you don't need to
Tend to me when I feel ill
Make me tea, bring me a blankie
Or give me headache pills
You don't have to but you still do
Wait for me until I get home
Say you missed me, hug and kiss me
Say you thought of me all day
You don't have to, you don't need to
Say you love me every way
At the red lights kiss my day bright
Take all my stress away

When the day falls into night
In one another's arms
Is when I start to dream
Of all those little things
You do out of the blue
You do to make me smile
All of those little things you do
Is why I'm so in love with you

I don't have to, I don't need to
Open doors to let you in
Bring you something when you need it
Just to make that sweet face grin
I don't have to, but I still do
Try my best to make you blush
Sneeze, I bless you; Hurt, caress you
Give you a raspberry
I don't have to, I don't need to
Say I love you 10 times a day
Rub your neck when you are driving
Or with your hair I'll play

When the day falls into night
In one another's arms
Is when you start to dream
Of all those little things
I do out of the blue
I do to make you smile
All of those little things I do
Is why you love like you do

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Saturday, May 5th, 2001
2:59 pm - Paralyzed Dreamer
Laying on my side, with no conscious of my position in my bed. The world is dead to me. I dream, nothing exists but my mind. Only the bystanders can see how I lay in my bed, and what facial expressions sieze my face. Time flys past, hour after hour as I sleep in my bed. All of a sudden my eyes fling open. They open to aknowledge the terrible pain. I then cluntch onto my pillow biting my lip. That is soon over with, for the pain in my leg has now paralyzed every part of my body. I think to myself, "Hand on, hang on. The pain comes like a torando, but will subside in a minute." With all the effort I had, I strenghtened my leg out all the way. The pain roars like thunder through every area of my leg. THen.......it subsides. Sweat drips down my face from the struggle to live through the pain. I then breathe again, and crash on my pillow. My eyes slam shut and I am unconscious of the world again; I dream.

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Thursday, May 3rd, 2001
3:41 pm - starlight
For the past 2 or so weeks, my journal has been all about myranda, and things we write eachother. It probably seems like I am obssessed with her, but I really am not. I think it is going so well for two reasons. THe first and obvious reason is we have been going out for only 2 and a half weeks, and we are still in the perfect phaze. Also, because for the first time I am not dependent on my girlfriend. I don't feel I need to talk to her or see her everyday like it did with Tara and Manda. Well I have another thing I wrote myranda, i thought it was pretty good

Goodnight starlight. I feel no gravity when i think of you. You make me rise to the stars, float to the heavens, and soar with eagles. You make anything possible. Close your eyes your beautiful when u are sleeping. I say all your dreams will come true. It is a dream to hold you when you are sleeping, when i am sleeping next to you. What we got is something special......what we are is a perfect group. No matter what we do, it is always me and you. I know sometimes it is lonely while you are sleeping, but it is lonely for me too. It is alright, cuz know when i am sleeping, i am dreaming of you. We always have the stars to wish upon when we are under the same sky. The same night companies us every evening. Let the shadows trace your lips, let your mind go into total bliss. Because when I am sleeping, i am dreaming of tender kiss.

current mood: content

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3:35 pm
Pat thought i had a journal, he was right. He guessed my name on life journal and read my journal. So, i can assume he will read this entry........FUCK YOU PAT!

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Tuesday, April 24th, 2001
10:39 pm - You Every Day
I am no longer without.
I have traveled but I think I found my route.
You appeared in my life while I said no to love.
It was as if you came from above.
When you fell down from the heavens up high,
I knew you would tell my fears to say goodbye.
The second I first met you I knew I wanted you.
At the tire park I knew what I wanted to do.
I wanted to taste your lips under the moon.
I wanted to curl up with you on a couch and feed you whipped cream with a spoon.
I wanted to take away your shivers from the cold.
I wanted to keep you from growing old.
I want to give you pleasure in every way.
I want to be with you every day.

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Monday, April 23rd, 2001
10:02 pm - CaPtuReD
It has been a week since me and Myranda have started to go out. What a great week it was. She came over tonight,,,,wow it was fun. My parents had to leave for the hospital (if i talk about that i will probably start to cry and i don't wanna so i won't right now) and we were alone. I fed her chocolate liquor balls, put her in handcuffs and put a blind fold on her, then tickle her with a fury bracelet....then we had fun when i took the kinky stuff off her. We also wrestled, she thinks she won, but i was on top of her most of the time so i won. Today she also wrote me this sweet poem thing. It pretty much made me melt, it was so wonderful. This is what she wrote me:

why are you so beautiful how did i of all people find someone so wonderful,
someone that infects my thought like a virus capturing my blood stream. i
hear hou i smell you i taste you i feel you i see you even when your not
there. your taste remains on my lips. your scent fills the world around me
like an intoxicating love drug. i hear you and your voice overpowers my soul
and i am helpless against it. i imagine being in your arms and you never
letting me go in that i feel safe i see your eyes as they look through mine
and kiss my soul. and in you i am captured

current mood: hot

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4:04 pm
This now represents Myranda, I sent it to her, and I mean every word. It is all about her = )

In My arms

You crawl up to me, and pursued into my arms. My arms wrap around you and I get a taste of heaven. It is the closest thing to heaven on earth. If only you could be in my arms forever. Watching the sunset holding one another. Kisses on the neck, and whispers in the ear. The sun falls as I hold you as close as human limits will allow me here. Holding eachother for numerous hours, not moving a muscle except my lips on you. The sun rises, and you are still in my arms. The only thing I can feel moving on you is your heartbeat. I think I found heaven on earth. I think I found what I want to call home. All this can possibly be is, you.

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Saturday, April 21st, 2001
11:41 pm - Playground Love
I'm a high school lover, and you're my favorite flavor.
Love is all, all my soul.
You're my Playground Love.

Yet my hands are shaking.
I feel my body [remain tense?], no matter, I'm on fire.
On the playground, love.

You're the piece of gold the flushes all my soul.
Extra time, on the ground.
You're my Playground Love.

Anytime, anyway,
You're my Playground Love.

current mood: thankful

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Friday, April 20th, 2001
2:01 am - Tire Cream
I am tired right now, most likely i will go to sleep in a few minutes. Tonight was a lot of fun. I went out with Myranda tonight. Things are almost going too well. I figured something out about how I feel with her. When I compare her to Tara she doesn't seem wonderful, but when I just think of her she seems absolutely wonderful, and gorgeous. All and all I am so lucky to have her. Well......anyway....we went to get whipped cream today, then went to the tire park around 7:30. We ate eachother's faces out with whipped cream, and I ate that whipped cream off her whole body. We went into that slide/tower thing and just made out wonderfully from 7:30 to 9:00. Then I held her until 9:15 trying to make her warm. We then went to Royal Oak after the park. Yes you guessed it, Tara out of all the nights she doesn't go to RO she went tonight. She has incrediblly short black hair, a lot thinner in the face, but still a gorgeous creature. I gave her a hug, and did about 2 minutes of small talk. Then me and Myranda got coffee, and sat on the caribu couch talking for awhile. We then went back to her house and "played." That is what she likes to call it, but basically she showed me her journal things, and we played her geeeeeeetar. All in all it was a great night. No matter how I feel about her, she is wonderful, just wonderful.

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Tuesday, April 17th, 2001
12:38 am - Beginning with Myranda
Today I asked Myranda out and made it official........April 16, 2001 is the day we start going out.

I found it funny today when i was thinking about my past girl friends. Irina, Tara, Amanda, and now Myranda. They all end in "A" how strange is that.

So I took Myranda to the tire park where I first held her and didn't say anything overly romantic, but i said "I like you so much, and when you are in my arms I feel happy, I would like to try a relationship." She said yes of course, then we kissed in the park untill little kids came, and then we went to Oakland Mall. We took pictures in the photobooth. THey rock! Then I drove her home and kissed her ever so gentle goodbye, and that was my day with her. It was great, and so is she. =)

current mood: optimistic

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Friday, April 13th, 2001
12:50 am - Randa CAKE
Tonight might have been cake....it was grreat though. I am not going to start talking about how a new chapter is starting and stuff like that. They will always end bad, but it doesn't mean they aren't good for the majority of the time. Well anyways back to tonight.

I had plans with myranda tonight. We planned on seeing a 8:40 movie, Joise and the Pussy Cats, at the star of john R. I picked her up around 6:40 and we had a bunch of time to waste, so we decided to go to this tire park she is always talking about. There we started to play around on the stuff, and having fun. We then sat in the house talked for a while, and ended up in this tower with a slide and talking. She gave me that massage she promised me. She did that for awhile. I then massaged her hands and we talked some more. The wind was fucking rediculous (windest night of my life) so it got really cold. I then held her, knowing she wanted to be held and tryed to warm her up. We tickled eachother like always and just chilled. We started to fall alseep.....bringing eachother closer evertime the wind picked up, and just lying there, he in my arms. I looked at my watch and it said 8:40. O well we missed the movie. We were about to fall asleep so I suggested we go get a movie and bring it back to my house. She agreed, so we rented Virgin Suicide, and The Cell. Back at my place we put on Virgin Suicide (great movie) and watched it on the couch. We started to tickle eachother again, and it ended up with her in my arms again. We watched the whole movie holding eachother, playing with eachother's hands. The movie was over, and she had to go home, but niether of us wanted to part at that point, so we just held eachother and tickled eachother, and i gave her a short massage. Then her mom called at 11:40, she had to be home at 11:30, so I had no choice but to take her home. In her driveway, I gave her a hug goodbye, and we both went in for the kiss. Let me just put it this way, we did more tonight than me and manda ever did, i know, it is pathetic. The kiss was great, it lasted probably 3 or 5 minutes, then she walked out of the car without saying a word and walked into the house. I said bye and drove off. She was about 30 minutes late.

So tonight was cake........FUN AND YUMMY!

current mood: content

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Monday, April 9th, 2001
8:20 pm - My Angel
The sky shows illuminous color. The vibrant sunset sets over the corruption of the world that difusses before my eyes. The firey orange sunset morphs into the dark, innocent sky. A gothic feeling takes over my body. The darkness sweeps into my soul and finds a home. I am paralyzed for the time being, as thoughts of dying black roses, and little children suffering in their graves takes over my mind. My eyes are the only thing I still owe on my body. I struggle to continue to look at the sky and see some sort of creature flying towards me. The creature moves towards me as it might be in slowmotion, as if its movement presented a heroic act. As the image comes closer, it appears larger and larger. The sky in my vision seems to fade away and it is blured out. All I know in this world is the creature at this time. It is now in front of me...staring into my eyes. It is reading my soul. The creature is an angel, but not the angel people imagine. It appears in the darkest shade of black known to the human eye, yet bright and vibrant in color. There is no sign of any other color except the damaged freying grey wings, and the white eyes. As the dark angel stairs into my soul my eyes are taken over. I have lost the last part of my body I can control, my eyes. The sky slowly comes back into view, and the angel slowly fades away into the night sky. I then regain control of my body, and I discover myself lying on the ground. Blood seems to be oozing out of my wrists. The sky faded once more, as the angel appears next to me. The angel picks me up like an infant and holds me close. There is a sort of a warmth and calming feeling in the angel's arms. It then flys away into the night sky with me in its arms, and as I am lifted into eternity I can see my body lying where I was picked up. I have lost control of my body, however, not my soul, never my soul.

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